Acting I, Final Scene

THE AUDITION

CHARACTERS:
Travis Curran - young, aspiring actor; wiseass
Nick Cyr - older experienced actor; pompous

SCENE:
The green room for Hamlet auditions. Travis is sitting in one of the chairs patiently. There is another chair, and a stool at center.

Nick enters and sit. There are moments of silence as each actor reads and prepares their scripts.

TRAVIS
So...hey, man, what’re you doing?

NICK
Hm? Excuse me?

TRAVIS
What’s your monologue?

NICK
What’s it to you?

TRAVIS
Sorry, man. Just, you know, attempting some friendly conversation.

NICK
Sorry, just didn’t know we were friends.

TRAVIS [under his breath]
Sheesh, dick.

NICK
Excuse me?

TRAVIS
Oh nothing, nothing at all.

NICK
Well, if you have to know I’m doing Lines 56 through 70, Act Three, Scene One...

A silent moment passes.

You know...the “To Be or Not to Be” soliloquy...

TRAVIS
Oh yeah, oh yeah, I knew... Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you deliver a little bit of that right now, to me. Yeah, how about it? You know, I can critique you.

NICK
You? Critique...me?

TRAVIS
What? Scared? Dude, I will critique the shit out of you.

NICK
Really? Oh really? Allrighty then. Take some notes, you might learn something

Nick stands and walks to center. He delivers the “To Be or Not to Be” speech.

NICK
Wait, hold on a second....Did you just hear something? I just heard a bell. Yeah, I hear a bell ringing, because I just took you to school.

TRAVIS
Oh, reeeally. Well, then. We’ll see who’s teaching who right now. I’ve got five George Washingtons right here, and they all tell me that you won’t be able to place this piece I’m going to show you right here.

Travis stands and places five one dollar bills on the stool.

NICK
Ha ha, well you know what? My buddy Lincoln here is telling me that I will. Lines, scene and act.

TRAVIS [worried]
Okay then.

Travis stands up and delivers Rosencrantz’s speech to Claudius, lines 12-24, Scene III, Act III
After it’s over, Nick claps slowly


NICK
Act three, Scene three, Lines 12 through 24. Rosencrantz to Claudius.

Nick stands, and slowly walks to the stool and takes the money. Travis is speechless.

NICK
Why hello, Mr. Washington. Oh look! You brought your friend Mr. Washington. And his twin brother George!

TRAVIS
Allright, allright. You’re good. Is that what you want to hear? Will that satisfy you, Mr. Shakespeare? Look, just because I don’t sit down and study every single piece he’s ever written just to make myself look better in front of people, doesn’t mean I’m not a good actor.

NICK
Oh yeah, well what makes you a good actor?

TRAVIS
Natural talent, that’s all.

NICK
Natural talent?? Oh mean, like, the actor’s flare or something? Listen, once you’re through with your freshmen year you’ll realize what it takes to act here.

TRAVIS
Oh yeah, what?

NICK
It’s all practice that’s all. You’ll learn, through time.

TRAVIS
I call bullshit. I don’t think you’re any better at acting than I am. I’ve been to a couple of auditions here already. It’s all about the director. Nobody’s a “good” actor.

NICK
Are you trying to challenge me?

TRAVIS
Do you want a challenge?

NICK
If it’ll get you to shut up and sit down, surely I’ll challenge you.

TRAVIS
Know any sonnets?

NICK
Ha. Do I know any sonnets? Are you asking for a ... Sonnet-Off?

TRAVIS
I think that’s what it’s coming down to.

NICK
All leading up to this, eh?

Nick stands up and stretchs out a bit. Travis rolls up both sleeves.

TRAVIS
Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who goes first?

NICK
Let’s do this.

They rock, paper, scissor and Travis loses.

NICK
Tough luck.

They say nothing. Solemnly, they walk center and turn back to back. They take six steps out and slowly turn to face each other. Nick clears his throat. He speaks the first two lines of his sonnet and takes a step forward. Travis instantly counters with the next two lines of his own sonnet, and steps forward. This continues as they get closer and closer and louder and louder. At the end of both sonnets Nick shoves Travis back violently. Travis shoves Nick. Fight Scene occurs.

VOICE FROM OFFSTAGE
Number 13? Number 13, you’re being called on?

NICK
Oh crap, that’s me.

TRAVIS [panting]
Oh...hey, man....good luck, man.

NICK
Yeah, thanks...you too man.

TRAVIS
No problem. Break a leg.

NICK
Allright, man. See you later.

Nick leaves and Travis sits

END.