Ten Minute (underdeveloped, unfinished)

Curtain Rises.

A row of two desks. There is a copy machine on a table up center stage. JACK and DIANE are sitting at their desks, typing on laptops. Their coats are draped over their chairs.

JACK
Diane?

Diane does not respond.

JACK
Diane?

DIANE
Yeah, Jack?

JACK
Say, I was thinking...What are you doing after work today?

DIANE
Pilates.

JACK
What? What are those?

DIANE
Aerobics.

JACK
Oh, well. Um, what are you doing after that?

DIANE
Shopping.

JACK
Shopping for what?

DIANE
Groceries, Jack.

JACK
Oh, yeah. Those. Um, cool. Yeah, that’s cool. Say...I was wondering...

DIANE
Apricots!
JACK
What?!

DIANE
Oh, apricots. I had forgotten. I need to pick some up for dinner. I’m having company tonight.

JACK (worried)
Oh, really? Um...who is that?

DIANE
My sister, and her family. They’re visiting.

JACK
From where?

DIANE
Spain. Jack, why are you asking all these questions? It’s starting to creep me out..

JACK
I’m sorry! I mean, I didn’t mean to. I was just...oh, you know, I was just trying to ask you...if, um, you wanted to...

NAOMI enters and walks to the copy machine, JACK shuts up. NAOMI begins to make copies. GUY enters from other side of stage, and walks straight up to NAOMI.

GUY
Hey there, Naomi. Aren’t you looking extra-pretty today.

NAOMI
Oh hey, Guy. Gosh, thanks. I really didn’t do anything special (obviously flattered)

GUY
No, no, don’t be modest. Are you going someplace special tonight?

NAOMI
Umm, no. Not really, just a regular night...

GUY
That won’t do at all. I’ll tell you what Naomi, at about 7:00 I’ll be outside your door and we’ll go someplace really nice for dinner. Maybe Roscetti’s, or that new Greek place. Your choice, but it better be very expensive, because I want all the rich and fancy peoples’ jaws to hit the floor when they see how pretty this gorgeous girl they’ve never met before is tonight.

NAOMI (melting)
Oh...wow...

GUY
Try not to keep too busy, alright? I know I won’t. I don’t even know how I’m going to get any work done, I’ll be so anxious about seeing you tonight. Ciao.

GUY and NAOMI exit. JACK looks disgusted.

JACK
God, I hate that guy.

DIANE
What guy?

JACK
Guy.

DIANE
Who, Guy?

JACK
Yeah, Guy! Mr. Suave. Mr. Casanova. Mr. Let-Me-Bless-You-With-The-Golden-Rays-of-My-Attention-Span.

DIANE
What, he was just being a nice guy, asking Naomi out.

JACK
But he’s our Boss.

DIANE
So, Naomi’s a slut.

JACK
Isn’t that sexual harassment or something? The way he just throws his pheromones around like a lasso. I mean, what if Naomi didn’t want to go to dinner with him? What if she didn’t want to be all swept off her feet. What if she had turned him down? Why wasn’t he scared? I don’t get it...

(pause)

DIANE
Don’t get what?

JACK
Oh, nothing. Nevermind. (goes back to typing).

DIANE
Wait, what is it? What don’t you get?

JACK
Nothing! Nothing at all. I.. uh.. nothing. I was just a bit confused, for um, a second, but uh, nevermind. Figured it out. Yeah.

DIANE
What did you figure out?

JACK does not respond, looks around nervously.

DIANE
Jack? Jack? Is something wrong?

DIANE gets up from her desk and tries to peek over the wall. JACK sees this and jumps out of his chair, grabbing some papers from the desk.

JACK
Got to make some copies, that’s all. Copy-making. Making copies.

DIANE
What’s bothering you, Jack. You seem upset.

JACK
I’m not upset.

DIANE
Okay..

DIANE goes back to her work. So does JACK. They both sit for a while.

JACK (checking his watch)
Well, another productive workday under the belt.

DIANE
Yup. Well, I’ll be seeing you.

JACK stands up, shuts his laptop and puts on his coat. DIANE starts sorting through papers. JACK walks forward to the copy machine and looks back to DIANE.

JACK
Goodnight, Diane.

DIANE
Goodnight, Jack. See you tomorrow.

JACK
Yeah, see ya..

JACK starts walking offstage. He pauses right before stepping off. He stands there a beat, then turns and walks back a bit. DIANE is done sorting papers, and shuts her laptop. JACK turns back offstage, but doesn’t move, muttering to himself. DIANE puts on her jacket and walks up to the copy machine, she does not see JACK. JACK turns back and sees her. DIANE turns and starts walking offstage, away from JACK.

JACK
Diane?

DIANE stops, turns around. As she does, lights and music change to signify a transition into a DREAM STATE.

JACK
Um..Diane. I know you’re busy tonight, but tomorrow. Tomorrow night. Could I take you out to dinner? Nowhere fancy, just a restaurant. With dinner. With me.

DIANE (overwhelmed)
Jack.. I’d love to.

JACK
Sorry, I was really nervous before. That was what was bothering me. I come to work every day with you, and I haven’t been able to say anything besides our usual time-filling conversations. I can’t do that anymore, Diane. I’m crazy about you.

DIANE
Jack, this is surreal! I never imagined you’d ever be saying these words to me, but I’ve spent all my life waiting for someone to say them. Deep down inside, I was always hoping it’d be you who would. I’m madly in love with you. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. I used to go to sleep crying because I never thought I’d have the strength to tell you, but now, here you are, telling me exactly what I wanted to hear.

JACK
I can’t believe this is happening.

DIANE
Neither can I, but I have to, because it is.

They get closer.

JACK
This is possibly the happiest day of my life.

Jack’s cell phone rings, he answers it.

JACK
Hello? Hello, Mom? (beat) Oh my God, Mom. Are you serious? (to Diane) My abusive grandfather just died! And left all his money to me! I’m rich! Wait. Wait, what Mom? (beat) You’re buying me a house in the Bahamas, the President was just impeached, and my old dog Rush just came back to life??!! (to Diane) Rush is alive again! Wait? What? THE RED SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES AGAIN??? Wait...wait, what Mom? You’re...you’re here? You’re here!

An old lady with a cell phone stands up from her seat at the front of the house and goes up onstage.

JACK
Mom!

DIANE
Mom!

MOM goes over to Jack and hands him a tiny box and whispers in his ear. JACK looks incredibly surprised. MOM turns JACK around and pushes him towards DIANE. MOM runs offstage.

JACK
Diane.

DIANE
Yes, Jack?

JACK goes down on one knee, and holds the little box forward.

JACK
Diane, will you marry me? (he opens the box)

DIANE
Oh my God...YES! Yes, yes, yes!!

They embrace. “We Are The Champions” or some other victorious 80’s pop song begins playing. Applause! Cheering!