Acting I, Final Scene

THE AUDITION

CHARACTERS:
Travis Curran - young, aspiring actor; wiseass
Nick Cyr - older experienced actor; pompous

SCENE:
The green room for Hamlet auditions. Travis is sitting in one of the chairs patiently. There is another chair, and a stool at center.

Nick enters and sit. There are moments of silence as each actor reads and prepares their scripts.

TRAVIS
So...hey, man, what’re you doing?

NICK
Hm? Excuse me?

TRAVIS
What’s your monologue?

NICK
What’s it to you?

TRAVIS
Sorry, man. Just, you know, attempting some friendly conversation.

NICK
Sorry, just didn’t know we were friends.

TRAVIS [under his breath]
Sheesh, dick.

NICK
Excuse me?

TRAVIS
Oh nothing, nothing at all.

NICK
Well, if you have to know I’m doing Lines 56 through 70, Act Three, Scene One...

A silent moment passes.

You know...the “To Be or Not to Be” soliloquy...

TRAVIS
Oh yeah, oh yeah, I knew... Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you deliver a little bit of that right now, to me. Yeah, how about it? You know, I can critique you.

NICK
You? Critique...me?

TRAVIS
What? Scared? Dude, I will critique the shit out of you.

NICK
Really? Oh really? Allrighty then. Take some notes, you might learn something

Nick stands and walks to center. He delivers the “To Be or Not to Be” speech.

NICK
Wait, hold on a second....Did you just hear something? I just heard a bell. Yeah, I hear a bell ringing, because I just took you to school.

TRAVIS
Oh, reeeally. Well, then. We’ll see who’s teaching who right now. I’ve got five George Washingtons right here, and they all tell me that you won’t be able to place this piece I’m going to show you right here.

Travis stands and places five one dollar bills on the stool.

NICK
Ha ha, well you know what? My buddy Lincoln here is telling me that I will. Lines, scene and act.

TRAVIS [worried]
Okay then.

Travis stands up and delivers Rosencrantz’s speech to Claudius, lines 12-24, Scene III, Act III
After it’s over, Nick claps slowly


NICK
Act three, Scene three, Lines 12 through 24. Rosencrantz to Claudius.

Nick stands, and slowly walks to the stool and takes the money. Travis is speechless.

NICK
Why hello, Mr. Washington. Oh look! You brought your friend Mr. Washington. And his twin brother George!

TRAVIS
Allright, allright. You’re good. Is that what you want to hear? Will that satisfy you, Mr. Shakespeare? Look, just because I don’t sit down and study every single piece he’s ever written just to make myself look better in front of people, doesn’t mean I’m not a good actor.

NICK
Oh yeah, well what makes you a good actor?

TRAVIS
Natural talent, that’s all.

NICK
Natural talent?? Oh mean, like, the actor’s flare or something? Listen, once you’re through with your freshmen year you’ll realize what it takes to act here.

TRAVIS
Oh yeah, what?

NICK
It’s all practice that’s all. You’ll learn, through time.

TRAVIS
I call bullshit. I don’t think you’re any better at acting than I am. I’ve been to a couple of auditions here already. It’s all about the director. Nobody’s a “good” actor.

NICK
Are you trying to challenge me?

TRAVIS
Do you want a challenge?

NICK
If it’ll get you to shut up and sit down, surely I’ll challenge you.

TRAVIS
Know any sonnets?

NICK
Ha. Do I know any sonnets? Are you asking for a ... Sonnet-Off?

TRAVIS
I think that’s what it’s coming down to.

NICK
All leading up to this, eh?

Nick stands up and stretchs out a bit. Travis rolls up both sleeves.

TRAVIS
Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who goes first?

NICK
Let’s do this.

They rock, paper, scissor and Travis loses.

NICK
Tough luck.

They say nothing. Solemnly, they walk center and turn back to back. They take six steps out and slowly turn to face each other. Nick clears his throat. He speaks the first two lines of his sonnet and takes a step forward. Travis instantly counters with the next two lines of his own sonnet, and steps forward. This continues as they get closer and closer and louder and louder. At the end of both sonnets Nick shoves Travis back violently. Travis shoves Nick. Fight Scene occurs.

VOICE FROM OFFSTAGE
Number 13? Number 13, you’re being called on?

NICK
Oh crap, that’s me.

TRAVIS [panting]
Oh...hey, man....good luck, man.

NICK
Yeah, thanks...you too man.

TRAVIS
No problem. Break a leg.

NICK
Allright, man. See you later.

Nick leaves and Travis sits

END.

Ten Minute (underdeveloped, unfinished)

Curtain Rises.

A row of two desks. There is a copy machine on a table up center stage. JACK and DIANE are sitting at their desks, typing on laptops. Their coats are draped over their chairs.

JACK
Diane?

Diane does not respond.

JACK
Diane?

DIANE
Yeah, Jack?

JACK
Say, I was thinking...What are you doing after work today?

DIANE
Pilates.

JACK
What? What are those?

DIANE
Aerobics.

JACK
Oh, well. Um, what are you doing after that?

DIANE
Shopping.

JACK
Shopping for what?

DIANE
Groceries, Jack.

JACK
Oh, yeah. Those. Um, cool. Yeah, that’s cool. Say...I was wondering...

DIANE
Apricots!
JACK
What?!

DIANE
Oh, apricots. I had forgotten. I need to pick some up for dinner. I’m having company tonight.

JACK (worried)
Oh, really? Um...who is that?

DIANE
My sister, and her family. They’re visiting.

JACK
From where?

DIANE
Spain. Jack, why are you asking all these questions? It’s starting to creep me out..

JACK
I’m sorry! I mean, I didn’t mean to. I was just...oh, you know, I was just trying to ask you...if, um, you wanted to...

NAOMI enters and walks to the copy machine, JACK shuts up. NAOMI begins to make copies. GUY enters from other side of stage, and walks straight up to NAOMI.

GUY
Hey there, Naomi. Aren’t you looking extra-pretty today.

NAOMI
Oh hey, Guy. Gosh, thanks. I really didn’t do anything special (obviously flattered)

GUY
No, no, don’t be modest. Are you going someplace special tonight?

NAOMI
Umm, no. Not really, just a regular night...

GUY
That won’t do at all. I’ll tell you what Naomi, at about 7:00 I’ll be outside your door and we’ll go someplace really nice for dinner. Maybe Roscetti’s, or that new Greek place. Your choice, but it better be very expensive, because I want all the rich and fancy peoples’ jaws to hit the floor when they see how pretty this gorgeous girl they’ve never met before is tonight.

NAOMI (melting)
Oh...wow...

GUY
Try not to keep too busy, alright? I know I won’t. I don’t even know how I’m going to get any work done, I’ll be so anxious about seeing you tonight. Ciao.

GUY and NAOMI exit. JACK looks disgusted.

JACK
God, I hate that guy.

DIANE
What guy?

JACK
Guy.

DIANE
Who, Guy?

JACK
Yeah, Guy! Mr. Suave. Mr. Casanova. Mr. Let-Me-Bless-You-With-The-Golden-Rays-of-My-Attention-Span.

DIANE
What, he was just being a nice guy, asking Naomi out.

JACK
But he’s our Boss.

DIANE
So, Naomi’s a slut.

JACK
Isn’t that sexual harassment or something? The way he just throws his pheromones around like a lasso. I mean, what if Naomi didn’t want to go to dinner with him? What if she didn’t want to be all swept off her feet. What if she had turned him down? Why wasn’t he scared? I don’t get it...

(pause)

DIANE
Don’t get what?

JACK
Oh, nothing. Nevermind. (goes back to typing).

DIANE
Wait, what is it? What don’t you get?

JACK
Nothing! Nothing at all. I.. uh.. nothing. I was just a bit confused, for um, a second, but uh, nevermind. Figured it out. Yeah.

DIANE
What did you figure out?

JACK does not respond, looks around nervously.

DIANE
Jack? Jack? Is something wrong?

DIANE gets up from her desk and tries to peek over the wall. JACK sees this and jumps out of his chair, grabbing some papers from the desk.

JACK
Got to make some copies, that’s all. Copy-making. Making copies.

DIANE
What’s bothering you, Jack. You seem upset.

JACK
I’m not upset.

DIANE
Okay..

DIANE goes back to her work. So does JACK. They both sit for a while.

JACK (checking his watch)
Well, another productive workday under the belt.

DIANE
Yup. Well, I’ll be seeing you.

JACK stands up, shuts his laptop and puts on his coat. DIANE starts sorting through papers. JACK walks forward to the copy machine and looks back to DIANE.

JACK
Goodnight, Diane.

DIANE
Goodnight, Jack. See you tomorrow.

JACK
Yeah, see ya..

JACK starts walking offstage. He pauses right before stepping off. He stands there a beat, then turns and walks back a bit. DIANE is done sorting papers, and shuts her laptop. JACK turns back offstage, but doesn’t move, muttering to himself. DIANE puts on her jacket and walks up to the copy machine, she does not see JACK. JACK turns back and sees her. DIANE turns and starts walking offstage, away from JACK.

JACK
Diane?

DIANE stops, turns around. As she does, lights and music change to signify a transition into a DREAM STATE.

JACK
Um..Diane. I know you’re busy tonight, but tomorrow. Tomorrow night. Could I take you out to dinner? Nowhere fancy, just a restaurant. With dinner. With me.

DIANE (overwhelmed)
Jack.. I’d love to.

JACK
Sorry, I was really nervous before. That was what was bothering me. I come to work every day with you, and I haven’t been able to say anything besides our usual time-filling conversations. I can’t do that anymore, Diane. I’m crazy about you.

DIANE
Jack, this is surreal! I never imagined you’d ever be saying these words to me, but I’ve spent all my life waiting for someone to say them. Deep down inside, I was always hoping it’d be you who would. I’m madly in love with you. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. I used to go to sleep crying because I never thought I’d have the strength to tell you, but now, here you are, telling me exactly what I wanted to hear.

JACK
I can’t believe this is happening.

DIANE
Neither can I, but I have to, because it is.

They get closer.

JACK
This is possibly the happiest day of my life.

Jack’s cell phone rings, he answers it.

JACK
Hello? Hello, Mom? (beat) Oh my God, Mom. Are you serious? (to Diane) My abusive grandfather just died! And left all his money to me! I’m rich! Wait. Wait, what Mom? (beat) You’re buying me a house in the Bahamas, the President was just impeached, and my old dog Rush just came back to life??!! (to Diane) Rush is alive again! Wait? What? THE RED SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES AGAIN??? Wait...wait, what Mom? You’re...you’re here? You’re here!

An old lady with a cell phone stands up from her seat at the front of the house and goes up onstage.

JACK
Mom!

DIANE
Mom!

MOM goes over to Jack and hands him a tiny box and whispers in his ear. JACK looks incredibly surprised. MOM turns JACK around and pushes him towards DIANE. MOM runs offstage.

JACK
Diane.

DIANE
Yes, Jack?

JACK goes down on one knee, and holds the little box forward.

JACK
Diane, will you marry me? (he opens the box)

DIANE
Oh my God...YES! Yes, yes, yes!!

They embrace. “We Are The Champions” or some other victorious 80’s pop song begins playing. Applause! Cheering!

Punk Rock Musical

[So I started to write this musical about the corporate control over punk rock, and how the genre and ideas have been skewd by pop culture and et cetera. I only got to the first stage directions and opening of the play. A band would actually play live onstage though, making it a real performance. There would be a number of performances by bands in different subgenres of punk rock. The characters would meet a representative of a Record Company, maybe a short five-minutes-of-fame, then get screwed over. Social commentary on the youth of today, and analysis of pop culture, perhaps.]

Curtain Up

The stage is dark, the sound of radio static slowly fades in. (rock ballad about punk rock vs. corporate music). The static builds and builds to a very loud point, then cuts out. As it cuts out, the lights come up. There is an explosion of music as the ska band onstage begins playing, in a choreographed rock show performance, the song “Get Us Off the Air” The set is not unlike a gritty club stage. The band is dressed as traditional Rude Boys in three piece suits and other dress clothes.

Film Noir (beginning)

She walked into the door. I could smell by her perfume she was trouble.
She walked right up to my desk and out came that same old line:

“Mister, I need your help.”

Before speaking I lit up another cigarette. She had come all this way, she could wait.
I slowly exhaled, looked up at her from under the brim of my cap, and said,

“Honey, you ain’t kiddin”

Her voice sounded like she had just been crying.

“No, Mister, You gotta understand, my husband...”

Husband. Go figure.

“...my husband, he’s dissapeared. He’s been gone two days, and I just know that he, he might be in trouble.”

I’d heard this same old song too many times, and my ears were getting a bit sick of it. People come to me when they're scared. Scared their wife is cheating on them. Scared their new boss is in the Mob. Scared their daughter will never come home. Scared of life. Scared to be happy. Blah, blah, blah. It all started to sound the same to me. This was my job, and they paid me to do it.

Science Fiction, Work-In-Progress

I set up the basic foundation for a science fiction story dish. Prepped with this "Fleshing Out the Universe." Add equal parts Characters and Plot. Two cups of Action, one cup Drama, two tablespoons of Comedy. Mix. Develop. Serve poured over Philosophic Undertones, and sprinkle on Current Events Ties for appeal. Presto!



OUR FUTURE is an extremely industrial society, run by corporations, the Companies, which everyone works for. If you don’t work for them, you’re essentially homeless. Government has been completely consumed by these Companies, the CEO’s being as powerful as presidents. The police are bands of Riot-police-esque thugs, with simple SWAT tactics in combat. They maintain the “peace” or whatever it is the Companies want. The UHGs regularly skirmish with, and defeat, these mandatory patrols. There are different levels of intensity with these soldier-police, a large group of them being powerful enough to crush a basic mob or riot situation.

Each town is devoted to a certain Company, the citizens working in Factories or Mills, at extremely low pay and harsh conditions, manufacturing the Company’s products. The men and women that don’t work in the Factories and Mills, work for the Company directly: office-jobs, paper-pushers. There is a hierarchy of careers ranging from Bossmans to Managers to Board Members to Administrators (key powerful position) and then a range of Advisors, Directors, and Executives, then finally the CEO. If you don’t have a job, then you don’t have money, therefore no home. The Homeless gather in groups in Slums or Shantytowns, and they have even begun farming what little soil they can find unpolluted in order to survive.

One Company is for Power, i.e. electricity through means of coal burning, wind power, dams (much is run on steam?). One Company is agriculture with mile-long greenhouses manufacturing artificial vegetables, genetically altered ofcourse, and basic cattle poultry meat plants. Feeding the nation of worker-peoples, Blue collar galore. One Company owns Mills for Clothing, Furniture, and other “Accessories.” Another runs the soldier-police Patrols, manufacturing their weapons, armor and vehicles, also sells "home security products."

The Companies are evil (besides for obvious class reasons) is how it’s almost complete authoritarian control in government’s place. Due to almost complete urbanization of the planet and mass population problems, there is a strictly enforced policy/law of standards on reproduction. A couple was allowed a child only after a certain amount of years of being legally wed. (“weddings”, while retaining the title of the ceremony, is a 100% legal affair, no longer with any religious ties whatsoever.) After a lengthy waiting period, a second child becomes an option, with certain standards being met. Before marriage, Employees must regularly take contraceptives. Children outside of wedlock is illegal. Children outside of the Population Control Policy is illegal. Part of the policy is there is a mandatory monthly population census. If the population numbers have reached over the monthly quota, a squad of soldier-police thugs is sent to the Slums and poorer areas of town, killing the Unemployed. These raids are infrequent, due to the Unemployed’s tendencies to not include their illegal children in the census, but devastating. (the UHGs frequently attack these raids)

All of the “Employees” and “Company Men” are absolutely atheistic, believing only in science and technology, Darwinism, evolutionism, etc.. Giving them a sort of survival of the fittest attitude towards the Unemployed/Homeless, who believe there is a God, ensuring their survival and that the meek shall inherit the Earth. The UHGs are also religious, some in a zealous fashion.

The UHGs are extremely proficient with Urban Warfare, and they’re own brutal form of Martial Arts. They have also acquired salvage weapons and are absolutely deadly with them. They organize in separate cells, sometimes the cells coordinating together, in acts of revolution against the Companies, through means of vandalism, thievery, dissent and sometimes straight out war. This “terrorism” is broadcasted among the civilian Company Men as absolute evil. The regular Employees regard the UHGs as no less than demons or freaks, trying to spread their foul religion and political beliefs (autonomous government, anarchy, socialism, some communist, etc.)

New Purpose

Since attempts to regularly update, promote, manage, or even write anything clever here have really all pitifully failed, I've decided to reform this blog into something less dissapointing but still awkwardly personal to me (hopefully less than Livejournal). I'm going to just start "dumping" in here. I titled this blog A Writer's Lament since I thought this site would just be a source of excess waste writing that I didn't use in anything else. Since there never really was an "anything else," I'm just sort of going to put all of my half-developed/-written/-assed works into here.

Why? So you, the Internet viewer, can read them and steal my ideas. Then I'll hire an army of attorneys to sue your pants off, shovelling out obscure copyright infringment and defamation laws and other stinky legal mumbo-jumbo and just spread it all over your face. Then take all of your money. So I can succeed instead of you. That's why. Got a problem with that? No. Didn't think so. Chump.